If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
