Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
