Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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