In America we eat man semen.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
