Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
