I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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