omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
