sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
