I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
