I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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