Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
