i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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