and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
