I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
