The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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