i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
