If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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