The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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