don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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