my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
