just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
