If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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