She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
