So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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