Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
