oh god the rape fog is back!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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