Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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