I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
