I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
