I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
