Farmville is her only friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
