I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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