apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
