Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she smelled like a LAN party
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
