please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
