I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
