Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
