just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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