Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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