This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
