i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
