is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
