just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
