wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
