butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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