Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want her autograph on my taint
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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