dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
