I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
