I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
