Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
